mare ingenii individual entry page for: 03/07/2005 : just can't stop, can you?

03/07/2005
Entry: "The night is young and so am I..."

I am lonely and tired and I just scared the piss out of myself when I was going to get the garbage out of my bathroom and there were two GINORMOUS cockroaches on my trash. I screamed. I have nerves. I want a drink. Instead, I'll eat chocolate Cadbury egg thingies. Chocolate is almost = booze.

I am becoming something of a booze-hound. Lately, I've quaffed two double Buttery Nipples in the past week. I'm not rich enough to drink that often, but I find my laissez-faire attitude bolstered by the inhibition-slaughterer.... That sentence kind of scares me. It sounds like the "slippery slope" into alcoholism. O_o;;;

I have gotten so lonely and bored that I am just not doing some schoolwork. It's probably because I'm not on the Prozac. I didn't mean to get off of it, but each time I do, I'm hoping that I can keep things going on my own; I hate having to rely on a crutch. Adderall isn't a crutch, it's a necessity, but somehow Prozac feels like.... less so? I wish I wasn't on so much medication. ._.;; I'm scatter-brained as hell, so it's horrible for me to try to remember when I took what and why and.... fuck it T_T I hate this.

So I end up lonely and itching to indulge in theraputic buying. Kenneth Cole bags and shoes call out to me. But I know I can't afford them. So I head to Walgreens for my prescriptions and find myself walking down the incontinence and toothpaste aisle, actually LOOKING for something to buy. It's a sad state. Pathetic, even. I just gotta make it through these two weeks and not think about missing the department trip to Carlsbad. *weep*.

*sigh* That bag was cute, but unfortunately, I'm not cute enough to swing it. It's the kind of bag which should be carried with a cute tee, capris and kitten heels. None of which I have... or can wear without breaking public indecency laws. Maybe it's related to the Cadbury egg thingies?

Shut up. At least they're not Peeps. :P

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